Part2
The next day, I thought of a lie for the restrictions I put on Jake, telling Tom that I had caught Jake stealing a hundred dollars from my hidden money stash. I agreed that the punishment was a little harsh but that I would shorten it if he showed improvement in his behavior. Jake still wouldn’t look at me and I decided to let a little time pass, so both of us could process what happened. I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day and strangely, I found myself with a smile on my face. If I had mentioned any of this to my therapist at the time, she would have reminded me that my past sexual trauma was contributing to my current behavior. “The repeating patterns are never a good sign.” That I need to stop this quickly, before it escalates, and I agreed with her in my head… but there was a reason I didn’t bring up this situation, I guess.
The next few days, Jake didn’t talk to me much, just the daily events and then he went to his room after dinner. Tom noticed his behavior but didn’t mention it, other than one quick question. I wasn’t sure how to handle it but I was certain that I didn’t like Jake being this distant and I didn’t like thinking I had to continue to cover up, like I had been doing those few days. That night I knocked on Jake’s door and went in. He was playing on his phone, laying in his bed. I didn’t ask and just climbed into his bed and cuddled up next to him. He put his phone down and stared at the ceiling. I kissed him on the cheek.
“I can’t have you be distant to me.” I admitted. “It’s awkward for both of us, but we need to figure out a way to move past it. Any ideas?”
“I don’t know.” He said, staring at the ceiling. “Do you hate me?”
“Never!” I said, hugging him tighter. “I will never hate you.”
“I know what I did was wrong and disgusting and I disappointed you. I just don’t know what I can do to show you how sorry I am.”
“I forgive you baby, I really do. I just want us to be open, like we used to be, and maybe more now… ok?” I said, looking at him stare at the ceiling.
I moved his face so he would look at me, and so I could look him in the eyes. His face was too close to mine and I felt like I was turning his face to kiss him. I smiled and sat up, putting my legs over his body and leaning against the wall.
“I think I’m too embarrassed to be open.” He admitted.
“Alright, I didn’t want to do this, because it’s something I haven’t told anyone, other than my therapist. Maybe if I tell you this, by me being open, you’ll be open with me.” I didn’t wait for a response and started to tell him about how when I was young, my stepfather was abusive to me and my mom. I explained how he was very strict, to the point he’d be angry at my mom and I, often. I told him that I had noticed that he was often handsy too, and his hand would “accidently” rub against my tits or ass. I didn’t remember how, or why, I decided, but one day I tried being flirty with him. His anger stopped towards me but then he started coming into my room and touching me. Being more afraid of his fists, I allowed it and eventually he took my virginity. After a while, I started to enjoy his company and often instigated it. There were a lot of things that I didn’t tell Jake but I kept it to basic facts. I told him how soon the violence started up again and the sexual things intensified, in a bad way, so I begged my mom to kick him out, but she chose him. I left home and was lost for so long, making bad decision after bad decision. Then I found a group of people that understood my life and I was the happiest I had ever been. Sexually free and exploring the meaning of life. I had turned my life around and that’s when I met his father.
“So, when I touched you, I was doing the same shit your stepdad did. I’m sorry.” And tears filled his eyes. I leaned back down over him and wiped his tears, then laid down next to him again, putting my hand on his chest.
“No baby, that’s not the point.” I tried to think of the point of me telling him the story, other than trying to make him feel comfortable. “I guess what I’m saying is that a part of me is ok with what you did. I get being controlled over certain urges. The fact that you were secretly taking pics and touching me without my approval really sucks but you not telling me that you were struggling with all this, hurts me more.”
“How do I tell my mom that she turns me on?” He asked bluntly.
“Just like that.” I smiled. “Then we could have worked towards diverting your sexual energy away from me, so you can deal with it healthily.”
He didn’t say anything but was deep in thought.
“Now, do you understand why I was so upset?” I asked, hopeful.
“I guess.” He smiled.
I told him that I had another favor, and that I wanted him to delete all of the pictures he had of me and he told me that he already did, the night I confronted him. He showed me his phone and the secret folders. I thanked him and told him that I’d appreciate it if he didn’t take pics of me anymore like that but that I’d give him more privacy and freedom to watch porn and masturbate, to relieve his tensions.
“One more thing, and this one is selfish.” I explained. “I tried covering up, wearing a bra, and pajamas around the house these last few days but I can’t do that anymore. It’s not me. I’m sorry that my actions cause you to have these thoughts but I don’t think it’s right that I get punished for this. Agreed?”
He agreed and I told him that if things got to be too much for him, to talk to me, and we’ll figure it out together. He agreed again. I kissed him on the cheek and thanked him and got out of his bed.
The next day things were back to normal and he was much more open with me. After two weeks, I released him of his restrictions and life went back to normal. I’d check his phone from time to time and a few times caught a few pictures of me that he had taken. He confessed that it was hard for him to stop but that he was trying. We talked a little more about his attractions but I could tell that he was still holding back on some of his feelings. During that time, I struggled with fantasies of my own, which I didn’t share either. The frequency of times that my fantasies moved to sexual exploration with my son, increased. I would often start masturbating to Tom but have an orgasm to the taboo nature of Jake and I exploring his sexuality. It got to the point where, on the rare occasions that Tom wasn’t too tired to have sex, I found myself thinking of Jake as he went down on me, or put his cock inside me. On the night where I almost screamed out Jake’s name, I decided it was time to stop thinking about it and focus my energy back on Tom, where it belonged. I started teasing and flirting with Tom more often and at first it worked well, before he went back to being too tired, or busy, to have sex.
I had decided, one day, to try something new and that I’d try to turn Tom on while we were at work. I sent him a pic of me sitting at my desk, my free hand cupping my tit. I nervously looked around and when no one was looking, I hiked up my skirt and spread my legs, sending him the view of my panties from under my desk. Time passed and I didn’t receive a response and got a little frustrated but didn’t take it too personally. A while later, while I was working on a deadline, I quickly read the text I got.
“Did you mean to send those to me?” I got annoyed that he was so clueless.
“Did you like them?” I responded.
“Yes! Will you send me another?” I got excited and went to the bathroom where I pulled up my blouse and bra, exposing my breasts and sent the picture to him. I waited for a response, hoping to show him more, but he didn’t respond. I got frustrated again and went back to work on my deadline. I made the excuse that he was just distracted by work and that he better make it up to me when I got home. When I got home, only Jake was home.
“SO,” he smiled. “What made you send me those pictures today?”
“What pictures honey?” I asked.
“You know.” And he showed me his phone with my bathroom picture. I panicked.
“No, no I…” I stumbled as I pulled out my phone and checked the messages. “Oh my god. Baby, that was for Daddy. I’m sorry, I…” and I could feel my face turning red.
“Well, thanks anyways.” He smiled.
“No, delete them. Give me your phone.” And he pulled his phone away as I tried to grab it.
“Too late. I’ll take them as my reward for being good.” He laughed.
“Give me your phone!” I struggled to get his phone again.
“Can I keep them please.” He begged as he handed me the phone. “Just for a little while?”
Maybe I knew. Maybe I knew that I was sending them to the wrong person and just pretended it was a “mistake”. Maybe I wanted to feel wanted and I knew the one person that would make me feel that way.
“Fine.” I agreed after a moment. “But you delete them when I tell you to.”
“Maybe.” He smiled and hurried to his room. “Gonna masturbate now!”
I rushed after him and threw open the door. He was laughing hard as he jumped on the bed and I tried to grab the phone again.
“Stop stop stop.” He laughed. I stopped and looked at him seriously.
“Jacob Philip!” I said sternly.
“Oooohhh I’m in trouble,” he laughed, and I smiled at his reaction.
“I’m serious Jake. You shouldn’t even have those. I need to know you’ll respect me and delete them.”
“I will, calm down Mom.” He smiled. I stopped trying to get the phone and I sat on the edge of his bed.
“Promise?”
“Promise.” He said. “Can I ask an uncomfortable question.”
“Might as well, I just accidently sent you nudes, we’re way past uncomfortable.” I smiled.
“Is it weird that these made me really happy, like happier than I’ve been in a long time?” He looked down, not looking at me.
“I don’t know baby.” I answered truthfully. “I should have been more careful, I’m sorry.”
“But you let me keep them, knowing I will look at them a lot. Why?”
“I guess because you’ve been so good and you have them already.”
“Does it make you uncomfortable knowing that I’ll masturbate to them?”
“I don’t know.”
“Did it make you uncomfortable what I sent you? You haven’t mentioned that. Did I fuck up?”
“What did you send me? Your text? No, you asked if I meant to send it to you. This is my fault.” I admitted.
“No, the pic?” he asked, still not looking at me but looking at his phone. “Oh, I guess it didn’t send.”
“What did you try to send?” I knew the answer though.
“Want to see?” he asked.
“Sure.” I don’t know why those words came out of my lips. I just couldn’t help it. He turned his phone and on the screen was a pic of his hand holding his hard cock. His cock was a good size and thick, and I felt my pussy respond.
“I got so hard as soon as I saw those pics, I thought I’d show you. I thought maybe that’s what you wanted.”
“I would have loved it, if it came from your Dad, but I’ll admit that I’m glad it didn’t send. I was trying to get his attention today and if I saw that pic, I’m afraid of the things I would have texted you.” My face was red.
“Can I ask another embarrassing question? Is my penis small?”
“Not at all honey.” I smiled. “From what I could tell from the picture, it’s perfect. You’ll make someone very happy one day.”
He looked up at me and smiled. “Really?”
“Yeah, it’s a good size.”
He went on to explain how the cocks he saw in porn were so large and he thought his was small. I asked him if he ever measured it and he said he did, that he was a little over 7 inches. My clit was starting to get hard when I asked him if he ever measured the girth and he asked what I meant, when I heard his father’s footsteps coming down the hall. I stood up as he walked into the room.
“What are you two doing?” Tom asked.
“Nothing hon.” I said as I kissed him hello.
I went out with Tom and started dinner while Kyle stayed in his room. I went to Kyle’s room when dinner was ready and knocked on the door, then poked my head in.
“Dinners ready, get cleaned up.” I said as he walked towards the door. When he stepped past me, I whispered, “make sure you wash your cock too, if you finished.” I winked. I expected him to be all shy but instead he turned to me and whispered.
“I’ve cummed to those pictures twice today, already.” He said confidently.
“Jake!” I laughed and spanked his ass. “Go get cleaned up!”